No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
