I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
