Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize