i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize