guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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