Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
