dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
