he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
