I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
