Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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