Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
