From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
