OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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