Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
