Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize