just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
