Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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