yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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