I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
