sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
please don't ironically join a cult
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