Can Purell be used as lube?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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