some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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