FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
