I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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