he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
