The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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