I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
