i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
