We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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