i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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