Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
