he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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