I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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