Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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