I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
