We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
