you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize