how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
