I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I forget how to act sober
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