babies were throwing up all over the place
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
