I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize