Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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