my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
