i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
