I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
