I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
