Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
