You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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