you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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