What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Still dying that you shit outside
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
