Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
