We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
