i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
