TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
