In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
worst night to have a conscience
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
