The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
