look no pants
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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