You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize