I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
