I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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