just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
