Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
