even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
