got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every concussion has its silver lining
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
