Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
one might say we're banned from that church
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
