So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
