I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
