I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
