The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize