he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's no shave November. This is our time.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
