Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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