and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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