He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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