Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I stole a fireplace last night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
