JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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