I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
