lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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