The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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