He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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