the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
