I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
