you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
