I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
