Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
