watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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