Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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