Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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