Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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