this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize