6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
