I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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