im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize