White coat. Heels.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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