so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
