the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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