his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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