If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
