This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
