Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
