I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
